Growing up, my brother and I wanted to be world-class youtubers.

A lot of our time after school was consumed by brainstorming new video ideas and recording new scenes.

Since both of us were the screenwriters, directors, and actors for our videos,

We really could’ve used a cameraman.

Though I guess if our sister really wanted, we could’ve let her have a cameo in one of our films too.

"The Notebook" (2012)

Eventually, we realized we had no talent for screenwriting, directing, or acting.

So we turned to other outlets to express ourselves—

We went into a phase where we wanted to be cool.

There was this new app called Instagram and we posted pictures of the coolest poses we could think of.

Our poses were ahead of their time…

These posts are long deleted

Or so we thought.

Not that our poses weren’t cool, but our sister would’ve definitely helped us pose so much better.

And back in the past, me and my brother used to be pretty darn crusty.

But it wasn’t our fault.

We just didn’t have a sister telling us what to wear.

Even the 17th century pilgrims of Jamestown would cringe at this outfit

But all this aside,

I think what I really want is another person I can do life with.

One more person to jam to khiphop with.

One more person to nag me about putting the toilet seat back down.

One more person to cry over kdramas with.

"Crash Landing on You" was sad

And trust me, it’s not just me who wants a younger sister.

My dad wanted ME to be the younger sister for my brother.

When the ultrasound technician told my parents that I was a boy back in ‘02,

my dad asked if they could check one more time.

Dad promises me he loves me for who I am

—

I’ve always looked up to my brother.

I started playing tennis because he played tennis,

and I worked hard in high school because I saw him working hard first.

I’ve relied on my brother before I even knew he was my brother.

Even now, I ask for his opinion on things even as small as which color t-shirt I should wear today.

Story time or potty time?

I wish I could be that same loving role model for my younger sister.

Someone that listens without interruption.

Someone that compliments and encourages but also disciplines when needed.

Someone that reminds her constantly that she’s loved and cared for.

My safe space

And most importantly, I think I could’ve given my sister some great advice.

From questions about academics, faith, friendships, and even questions about dating,

I definitely could’ve pointed her in the right direction.

Yeah I know,

I know.

I’ve never dated anyone before.

But the coach doesn't play the game, does he?

What’s his full name, what’s his age, where does he go to school, and what do his parents do?

I don’t think so.

Give me a list of the top 10 reasons why you like him.

Love... Dating... Heartbreak...

What's that?

—

I read in a book somewhere that said kids are a breath of fresh air because they live in the present.

They don’t care about yesterday’s mistakes or worry about what tomorrow will bring—

They’re already onto finding the next fun thing that’ll bring them joy in the present.

This brings Charles joy in the present

Every Sunday, I hang out with the little kids at my church and I’ve seen them grow up over a couple years now.

And most of them lose the bright, contagious energy they once had.

They start to be self-conscious about yesterday’s mistakes and worry about how their peers will view them tomorrow.

They begin to package themselves in a way they think is presentable.

And in this packaging, they lose the boldness they once had.

They’re no longer confident in themselves.

They said boys aren't allowed to join

As I witness the kids go through this process, I can’t help but see parts of my younger self in them.

And there’s so many things I wish I could tell my younger self:

To have more confidence,

And that a lot of things aren’t as big of a deal as I made them to be.

I wish I could affirm my sister in these things so she wouldn’t lose sight of her boldness like I once did.

—

I also can’t help but think what it would be like if one of these little girls was my younger sister.

Judging by how they interact with me, I think they would’ve liked me as an older brother too.

Leah: "I'm gonna cut your finger off and stab you"

—

The three guys in my family really like to play tennis together.

Since my mom doesn’t play, she usually sits on the benches to the side and watches us.

I don’t know when, but at some point,

my mom stopped following us out to the park.

There’s only a limit to the way us three guys can comfort Mom.

I wish someone could try on outfits with her and pick out jewelry for her.

I wish someone could put on makeup with her and paint her nails for her.

And even if it’s just for a moment,

I wish someone could make my mom feel like she’s back in college, hanging out with her girl friends.

Back in her youth again.

—

Up until now and probably for the rest of my life, it’ll just be me and my bro.

But I’m happy with that and I’m thankful for the family dynamic that we have.

And even though I couldn’t be that daughter for my parents,

Not having a sister has taught me to be more in tune with my mom’s emotions.

It’s taught me that sometimes, my mom’s worries aren’t pleas for help or advice,

But instead pleas for a hug and someone that can listen.

The Kim brothers know the responsibilities/consequences of familial love

But still—

If you’re a girl

And you’ve ever wanted to have two cool, overprotective older brothers,

Come give the Kim brothers a chance.

Cool and cooler